guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
50% drunk capacity currently
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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