If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
