The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
