Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
