I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
