i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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