You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
His hands were made for my vagina.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I want to fling myself into the sun
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
