Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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