anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
