I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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