Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
