my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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