Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
