Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
