You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
