Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
