Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
