Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
