So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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