can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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