before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
