He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
