Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
