if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
