Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
