there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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