he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
