in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
