smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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