The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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