All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
