I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
