I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
that is very illegal...i love you.
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