I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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