rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
