either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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