You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
