Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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