I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
