I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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