dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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