This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm getting married
To pizza
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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