Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
