There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
