I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
