I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
