I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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