i think my tv is drunk
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
