i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
