birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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